I've been inspired by this brilliant post from the Godol Hador to write the true version of another famous Jewish story:
A bunch of Yeshiva students were sitting around the Beis Medrash, playing cards, smoking, and gambling with some stupid little toy tops. All of a sudden, a fellow who hadn't been drinking (for just such emergency) noticed a stern-faced man in an Israeli Army uniform walking toward the Yeshiva.
reacting quickly, he spun around and ran through the Beis Midrash, informing everyone that a representative from the 'Lishkat Ha-Giyus' (Conscription Office) was paying them a surprise visit to insure that those who deferred because 'their Torah is their livelihood' are actually learning.
Immediately, the cards, liquor, and toy tops vanished (but not the cigarettes) and the ancient tomes of the Talmud and commentaries appeared on the tables.
In this way, the Holy Shababnikim were spared from having to serve in the Evil Army of the Freye Medina.